Why is it so hard to for women to make friends with other women? Men don't seem to have this issue. They bond quite easily. The talk about the man basics....sports, cars, women, and voila, they have become friends! It doesn't work this way with my gender. Why are we so different when it comes to forming lasting friendships? Is it because we require more of an emotional connection with others? Is it because we are too judgmental? Is it because we are more cautious? Is it because we are more insecure about ourselves, and get jealous easily? Are we too competitive with one another? Are we untrusting because of a previous relationship? I think it's a combination of all these things.
I had a conversation with my son the other day. I told him that it is easy to find the most hated girl in the room, because she will be the prettiest girl in the room. Is it really because she is so pretty, or is it really because we are so insecure with our own looks? We can get so jealous when we view someone else as having something we don't, whether it is a successful career, happy marriage, great kids, a beautiful home, being too attractive, etc. We chuck it up to them being lucky or privileged in some way. Like they were born with an advantage that we didn't get. Then, we will judge them, and decide we don't like them, no matter what they say or do.
Many women feel that men are the enemy, when in actuality we are our own worst enemies. We don't hold men to the same standards that we hold ourselves to. We want to have it all, and be it all, all of the time. That's just not realistic. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, and that woman across the room that you don't like, because you view her as perfect.... well, she isn't either! We all have struggles, issues, problems, and insecurities. We all go through the same things at one point or another, yet we find it so hard to reach out to each other. Instead of disliking someone because they are successful in an area that we aren't, why aren't we trying to make a friend with someone that we can learn something from?Someone who can help us in an area where we are lacking? I guarantee you that once you get to know her, you will find that you have something to offer her as well. An area in your life that you struggled with, but overcome. Finding a friend who loves you, supports you, is happy for you when you succeed, yet will still be there to help pick you up when you don't, is a blessing. But in order to have that kind of blessing, we need to be that blessing to someone else. So, next time you find yourself making judgements about a woman you just met, ask yourself this...who is this really about, her or me? And if it is about me, then maybe there is something I can learn from her. Maybe there is something she can learn from me, and in the process maybe, just maybe, we can form a lasting friendship that in some way can be a sort of healing and a blessing in both of our lives.
I have to say, I have few friends, and the ones I do have I have known my entire life or most of my life. I haven't even been open to the idea of having a new friend, because of my own trust issues. I have to keep this in the front of my mind, when meeting new people. Me being closed off is because of my own issues of trust, not because they have proven to be untrustworthy.
How does having female friends increase our health? According to a study done at UCLA, people who have no friends, increased their risk of death over a six month period. Those who had the most friends over a 9 year period, decreased their risk of death by more than 60 percent. A nurses health study from Harvard School of Medicine found that the more friends that women had, the less likely they were to develop physical ailments, and were more likely to live a joyful life. In fact, researchers found that not having friends was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.
If you are interested in this article, go to www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html
Much needed article this week, thanks Monique!
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